The holidays are rapidly approaching, which usually means a stressful time for families that have separated, divorced, or are in the process. Children have good memories of previous holidays, and many feel the loss of their family even more so during this time.
How do you protect your children from all this stress?
Remember that the holidays are for family. If you can be civil or friendly with the other parent, consider celebrating the holidays together. If that’s not possible, try establishing new traditions that the kids will remember and look forward to each year.
Don’t speak ill of the other parent, and don’t allow your family to bad mouth the other parent either. Allow your child(ren) to express their love for the other parent.
Be aware that your child(ren), and yourself, may have a wide range of feelings during the holidays. It’s ok to have these feelings. Talk about them and work through them together.
SLOW DOWN! You’ll feel the need to have your child(ren) visit all their relatives while they’re with you during the holidays, but this may not always be feasible. Rushing around to accomplish this may lead to more stress on your children.
Take care of yourself! Exercise, eat healthily, get sleep, enjoy time with friends… relax. Your child(ren) will reflect your mood; if you’re calm, they are calm.
Make travel fun. If you are traveling for the holidays, bring along activities. Stay positive, laugh, and make good memories.
Share the kid(s) – even when it’s “your time” with them. Let your child(ren) talk to or see the other parent if they ask. There is a good chance they will miss them, and not allowing them to talk/see the other parent will make them more upset.
Communicate, coordinate and be flexible. Be sure to communicate with your co-parent about holiday schedule(s) early on. Be very specific on dates and times, and be prepared to make any necessary last-minute changes.
Plan gifts. Talk to each other about what gifts you plan on getting the child(ren) so that you aren’t duplicating them. Avoid trying to “outdo” each other.
Ask what your kid(s) want. Include your kid(s) on holiday plans. Ask them what they want to do and who they want to see. While this may not be a conventional way of doing things, it will show the kid(s) that their feelings also matter.
Stop-Look-Listen. Stop yourself from reacting with anger. Take a deep breath and recognize your feelings. Look at all your options before responding. Choose the option that will produce the best outcome. Listen to yourself and choose a response that shows understanding and kindness.